Unconditional Love and Detachment
Consider reasons why you get upset with people. Some of the more common are:
- they did not do what you wanted them to do
- they didn’t love you the way you wanted them to love you
- they left you
- they changed
- they betrayed you in some way
- they didnâ€™t understand you
When you love someone unconditionally you have no expectations of that person. You simply love them. When you expect a person to behave in a certain way, to give you something, or to do something that you want done you have an expectation. There really isn’t anything wrong with having an expectation as long as you are able to release that expectation when it is not fulfilled.
Most people, when they have an expectation of someone else, are hurt and resentful when that expectation is not fulfilled. The person then holds onto those feelings of being hurt, of being wounded, of not being understood. The person who was hurt feels that he or she was let down by the other.
Each time you have an interaction with someone you learn something about that person. They also learn something about you. If that person always does what he or s/he says she will do then your expectations are fulfilled. You feel good about that individual and you begin to trust that they will fulfill your expectations. You may even say that your love and respect increases.
What happens when someone does not fulfill your expectations? If it happens just once you may be able to let it go easily. If it happens more than once you begin to form an opinion about that person. Your opinion may determine how you treat that individual. You may begin to treat him or her in a negative manner because you have learned he or she is not dependable.
When youâ€™re God someone not fulfilling what s/he says s/he will do has no effect upon you. When your a human being someone not doing what they committed themselves to do can cause mild to severe consequences.
Where does unconditional love on your part fit into this?
No matter what that individual does, he or she is still created from Love and is Love Incarnate. That never changes no matter what the individual does or does not do. The question is what will you do.
Loving people unconditionally, having unconditional positive regard for them, simply means that you accept them for who they are without the attachment of any negative emotion. That means you do not have an attachment of the emotions such as anger, fear, disappointment and such.
Loving someone unconditionally does not mean that you ignore their limitations. Accept what it is you have learned about that person, just don’t have anger or other low vibration emotions attached to their not fulfilling their commitment to you.
The same is true for loving yourself. There are times in which you disappoint yourself. There are those times you let yourself down. When you do not continue loving yourself because of your deficiencies, you have difficulty accepting yourself as who you are. When you cannot accept your deficiencies then you are not able to accept the deficiencies of others.
When you are aware that someone is not able to handle a particular commitment you don’t continue giving him the same opportunity. You recognize that person’s strengths and weaknesses and you relate to them accordingly. At the same time you still love them without strings and accept them as they are.
The key is in the acceptance part. You accept that a woman who is paralyzed in a wheelchair cannot get up and walk. You wonâ€™t be angry with her because she doesn’t get up to get you what you want. You accept her limitation of not being able to walk. You continue to hold her in unconditional positive regard.
The same is true for mental and emotional limitations that any individual has. When you accept that person’s limitation, be it emotional or mental, then you will have no low vibration feelings attached to their inability to respond in a mentally or emotionally healthy manner.
As a person created from Love, you are called to love others, including yourself, with the Love from which you were created. You were called to accept others and yourself as you are. For yourself, however, you are also called to expand into expressing yourself in the fullness of Love. Your calling is not to make someone be the way that you think s/he should be. Your calling to expand is solely about you.
There are some of you who have made a choice to be healers in some way. Your role as a healer, or healing facilitator, is to simply offer the opportunities for people to expand. The choice to take that opportunity is each individual’s choice. Whether that individual takes the choice to expand or not, does not change the Love that they are. If you choose to live in the fullness of the Love in which you were created, then their choice does not change your feelings about that person.
Their choice may change what you now know is their capacity to act in certain ways, but it does not change your feelings for them if you are in a place of unconditional Love. If you have low vibration or negative feelings for someone because they have not expanded or acted in the way that you wish, then you were not in the place of acceptance and unconditional positive regard. Your lack of being in a place of acceptance and unconditional positive regard is due to a wound within yourself.
For the purpose of your expansion, your role is then to do what is needed for you to heal the wound within yourself. Your resistance to doing so is no different than the resistance of others to their own expansion.Once you heal the wound of your own resistance, you will have opened a space which will allow the other to possibly choose to heal from his or her own resistance.
Each time you make a choice to act from the Love from which you were created you open the space for others to be able to look within themselves and take the steps to become the love that they are.